ADDICTION

‘THERE IS NOTHING EITHER GOOD OR BAD, BUT THINKING MAKES IT SO.’
-Shakespeare 

 

Hi there! 

 

Are you Sick of slurping up temporary fixes in the next swig from a can of Coke Zero? Do you want to be doomed to a life swiping right on tinder driven by an existential fear that you will die alone? If yeah, yr chill with that then I advise you do not waste any more time reading this and Snap right back into Snapchat or find some more candy to crush because diss sure as hell ain’t for you baby. ;)

 

 

Today if you glance at the news [which scares me rotten] a day doesn’t go by without hearing about some new abomination that floods our brains with a darling medley of fear, guilt and outrage to wash that morning coffee down yer gullet right nice and abrupt like. 

 

Vibrating tension and anger bubble beneath the surface of everything, videogames with all the ‘bang bang yr dead!’ sounds we all know and adore, this sudden serial killer craze that is sweeping the nation (that I am an avid member of) and the vampire blood lust that came before. People like brushing up against their own mortality, or at least the idea of it. We are fascinated by death subconsciously and yet within the realm of the living we seem to trot along at such great distance from this knowledge, fearfully hypnotised by so many masterful distractions our ever nurturing society has installed around us to keep us safe and consuming until our very last underwhelming breath.

 

Incessant drives and appetites scurrying away frantically for the next fix; an obvious attempt to avoid the inevitable fact that we are all death bound...

 

DISCONNECTION

 

Eventually we die. (Serving up a morbid slice of reality today yum) Despite our averted gaze toward glistening tits on glitchy screens, wank wearied and weakened by worry, death is unavoidable. Now imagine capturing and confronting that reality without fear? Wouldn’t that mean we could all chill out a bit and stop entrenching ourselves in repeatative habits that never amount to anything and actually enjoy creating, connecting and loving eachother once again? (Might I add I am definitely not speaking for everyone here! The world is full of phenomenal people that are infinitely admirable and doing brilliant things and yet in my current climate I’m currently seeing/hearing of a lot of sadness and so I feel the need to speak about this for now.)

 

We are all by nature hypocrites (Das me, G) It’s a very human trait and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m so fanatical about healing and yet I myself am still broken in some places and struggling (aren’t we all?) I like to think I’ve ‘overcome’ some crushing addictions that used to shape me, and yet this strange beast that curdles my blood to think of but has aided me through so much always seems to be growing extra arms and finding new things to cling to...the octopus be in ma blood. Some are great, like tattooing or other creative pursuits, the wholehearted passion and motivation to make something new and some are not so good.

 

 

 

If being addicted means being disconnected from society then is the cure connection? Though we sit next to eachother and have so many devices pseudo connecting us and offering this fake glow of intimacy a lot of us would rather stare at a screen then look into each others eyes. A lot of us feel and breathe a greater portion of life alone.

 

All things that sparkle can not solve you. They give you that glimpse of ego swag so easily disintegrated and dispersed into yet another mindless chase, a dickless dream to fuck in the hope of actually feeling something real.

 

 

WHAT U ON ABOUT, M8?

 

 With the frustrating habit of being a massive dilly-dallyer,I digress..this blog I’ve begun is in support of some detective work into the drippy darkly discontent curdling in the cracks of the building blocks of our society. [What’s it doing there? What does it want? How do we escape it? Can I calm it with a cup of tea and a digestive?!]

 

I am looking to address the bizarre nature of our unexamined emotions through an expanse of cyclical behaviours that seem prevalent everywhere you look and offer no solace except perhaps the equivalent of a momentary drop of joy from a dishevelled winter wank amidst the bleak backdrop of mundane existence. (From London with Love X )

 

 

IDEAS FOR CHANGE

 

 Being so heavily immersed in the thick of it in London has set my brain spinning into crisis analysis AKA ‘why,why bloody why?’ mode which-once the hypnotic mass of this psychological gremlin takes hold is verrr difficult to escape from. So ...let’s explore it!

 

Through a project about Addiction and the alternative therapies, medicines, and mindsets that offer solution or at least an underlying understanding of this rapidly growing issue. What is addiction? And Why do we do such silly things, so easily suckered in to indulging in what is bad for us?

 

Some days I wake up at 6am and crack on with a dizzying designing frenzy, read a bitta the ole Bhagavad gita (this is a LIE it sits on my shelf sheepishly covered in cobwebs,)..clock in some meditation time, a regimented gym marathon, whacking satisfying ticks in every little square of that mental to do list until I pick up my phone and stare into the void and realise after looking up that a decade has gone by and I can barely remember my own name. So many countless examples where lust, gluttony greed, or one of the other seven deadly motherfuckers bothers it’s way in there and buggers up the regime, way stronger than reasoning can ever contend with.

 

So guess what? Change is fucking hard, and nearly impossible to do alone (no matter how much I try and cement the mantra that I can into my little monkey skull..) which is why through this Project I am hoping to connect and relinquish the fight, unite the addicts (which, is a helluva lot of us judging by societies norms for living today) 

 

 

FILM PROJECT

 

The momentum of all this loopy cranial spinning has evoked an opportunity for change with the idea to broadcast my personal fears and sickly familiar fuckups into the form of a little film with the help of my babe Kass (@thekassandrapowell) a highly talented creative and director who has much more knowledge in the field of film than I do and really connects with me for this vision.

 

This narrative is an expression, a creative way to ease through the frenetic fear static and hopefully break down these addictive tendencies one by one and seek solace and understanding. 

 

My approach to this initially was one of dopey optimism at yet a new analytical project to sink my fangs into with full force. Now that I am intrenched in many of the feelings and memories at the root of some of these causes I am seeing that facing these battles that are intimately and subconsciously entwined in my psyche is kinda, sometimes, the equivalent of deep throating dragon dick, I get choked up at just the thought of tackling dat bad boy face on.

 

I hope that following the release of this autobiographical vision of addiction that we are putting into the world, I will be able to produce more short films, this time focused around pushing the research into the many suggested cures/coping strategies for these at times, detremental behaviours, whilst documenting all the discoveries along the way, both good and bad, galavanting about the globe and taking a closer look at what is all means and how to let go of it! How do we go about understanding the expression of this deep planetary wound?

 

 

WHEN WILL I EVER BE ENOUGH?

 

Everyone frames their experience through the frame of what they already know. With no ‘how to’ manual on how to lead a happy and fulfilling life people seem to be taking cues from vicarious experience of Hollywood movies, social media and Netflix. What is it with our obsession with this cult that tells us over and over that, ‘Yr not enough, that You need to be famous, or have looooooadsa money or churn out a number one Smash Hit in order to be of value to anyone, ever?’ 

 

When will I ever be enough? Such a nasty niggler that phrase, one with slicey teeth that don’t release easy like a piranha. I feel how this fixation has bled into me and I hate it, and yet I still AM it, in part, I still live in it. I want out.

 

Which is what is the driving urge behind this series of short films (I’m being incredibly optimistic with this statement, the idea seems to have suddenly evolved in my mind from one film to now, a whole bunch..we are still just getting to grips with the first..) and all the research through reading, travelling and connecting with those that understand pieces of this puzzle better than I do and might offer some form of guidance.

 

 

I’m excited to experiment and see where this will take me and you if you fancy coming along. Maybe this is just some desperate attempt to spark morality like a Jehovah’s Witness leaflet with borrowed bits of bible written in skewed handwriting on the back of it by a four year old that has just learned how to say Amen.

 

Whatever, It might be painful and it might fuck up but I’m gonna give it a go anyway. I need to find something to embrace this vital shift in perspective, or else I’ll just shrivel into a discrumpled bad tempered old prune and drown in a puddle on the pavement. Prune juice personified. 

 

Part of the daily fight for happiness is the way to define success by yr own standards and definition of it and not the way the plastic culture that surrounds us seems to, I’m gonna see if I can make better sense of that.

 

 

🧞‍♀️NuffLuv

 

 

Side Note: Heres a cute little animation I found on the topic that I quite like..I was sent an immense one by my Aunt Leda about the scientific experiments of rats 🐀 a long time ago before her death that mysteriously has been removed from the internet entirely! (The rats knew too much...)
At the time I was fixated on this animation, Leda and myself were very close, her compassionate understanding (and the silly video) gave me hope and inspiration for change and helped me through some of my darkest recoveries and it is in her memory that I am pursuing this project. 

 

 

I love you.
And I miss you so much right now.
Thankyou for everything you ever were, I would be a very lesser version of me without you.
Probs that prune on the pavement

 

anyway here’s the not quite as good but very concisely explanatory replacement on the same topic ..enjoy